Potty Talk

With the exception of professional plumbers and those poor souls engaged in potty-training a child, there is really little reason to think about toilets on a daily basis right? They are there to serve a purpose, we appreciate that they are there, we like it better when they are clean...but that's about it. I however have realized that in the past year living in Asia, I have frequently had pottys on the mind.

And this is not solely due to the prevalence of toilets of the "squat" variety (See picture to the left for visual explanation- and don't let this fool you, this is a particularly nice pit toilet). I do prefer a western style toilet, but I am cool with this kind when it is my best option. I have travelled before and I have seen all manner of toilets across Europe, Asia, South America and Africa. There is very little in terms of toilets that surprises me. I have used fancy toilets in Japan that have more options and settings than my cellphone, I have had to pay dearly to use toilets in Egypt who's condition is simply to horrid to describe here, I have even recently used toilets on a moving train where I could see the train tracks whizzing by below me (pardon the pun). I have learned to always carry toilet paper with me and my mantra is often "this could be worse"...

I am sometimes puzzled by the logistics that go in to some of the styles I have seen in the past year.. (you want me to do what exactly with that cup of water next to the bowl?) and my thresholds for what constitutes an acceptable restroom have certainly adjusted. I'll admit that the toilets on the trains in India and Sumatra were on the extreme end of toilets I have experienced, but even that I handled quite well (and with an extra helping of purell). It does puzzle me why people would prefer to use this variety- many public bathrooms in Singapore offer both- but to each their own- I am all for respecting other people's cultural practices. I suppose it has the added bonus of giving you a little quads work out while you take care of your business.

So, if its not the style of toilet that boggles the mind, what is it?......

It is the instructions that come with the toilets! I have never in my life received more information on the proper manner to use the potty than I have in Singapore and Malaysia. Usually in multiple languages. Sometimes it includes a full step-by-step process. (I wonder how someone has managed to survive the rest of their life if they are dependent upon detailed potty directions at the local mall)

While there are quite a few funny signs and instructions to pick from, the following documents my all-time-favourite ones:

That's right folks, you are not supposed to stand ON the toilet. Nope, I know its tempting, but standing ON the toilet seat is not an option here. The two scene cartoon above is actually very prominent in Singapore these days, courtesy of a government initiative to enhance cleanliness in public bathrooms. (My tax dollars at work!)

Up until recently I thought these signs were ludicrous. WHO in the right mind would stand ON the toilet seat? Not only is it gross, but as the cartoon points out- involves some advanced balance to make it even possible. (I actually do a pose quite similar to this in my yoga classes and it is plenty difficult enough on flat ground thankyouverymuch) I understand the desire to hover, but climbing on top of the darn thing just doesn't seem to be that  good of an idea, even for someone who would otherwise be more comfortable with the pit style..... All that changed last week.

Imagine my surprise to walk in to a stall at the mall and come face to face with two perfectly formed foot prints on each side of the toilet seat! I nearly wet my pants laughing so hard. I am sure the people waiting in line to go next thought they had a mental patient on their hands- not socially acceptable behavior to laugh outrageously in a public potty. What was funnier is that there was one of the aforementioned obvious signs posted right on the door of the stall!

So the signs apparently do address a real threat! Who knew?!?

And before you accuse me of being a complete wierdo that thinks about these things I want you to google "Singapore toilets" and you will find that other people out there also have interesting things to say about the state of toilets in the Lion City. And, if you were wondering, I didn't run around Singapore documenting the bathroom instructions, I "borrowed" these from the web and appreciate that other photogs had the idea to document the absurdity for me. =)