It has been one of those weeks. OK, let's be honest, it sort of feels like it has been one of those MONTHS. While I find many things about Singapore to be irritating on a daily basis, it is not surprising that a few 70 hour weeks in a row will escalate things from irritating to "I-am-going-to-kill-you" on the annoyance scale. I have often thought that if I wrote about everything in Singapore that rubbed me the wrong way, we would have to change the name of the blog to "Erin Hates Singapore" and that might get me deported (maybe not the worst thing in the world?). And I assume no one wants to hear my daily internal diatribe about the ridiculous behavior of the natives. However, while I was frantically googling for some inside advice on how to get my hands on an iPad tomorrow (must. have. one), I did come across an entire blog that is dedicated to railing on the annoyances and inefficiencies of Sing Sing. Maybe I should get together with this fellow and we can form a support group. Until that happens, I have decided to share with you some highlights of irritating things in Singapore. Enjoy.
1) ELEVATORS (a.k.a. Lifts): While there are more than a few things wrong with the way people ride elevators here (some of which will be covered subsequently in the MRT section), I am going to focus on the incessant button pushing. Elevator usage is pretty standard in all countries. You push the call button, the elevator comes, you get on, the doors shut, the elevator takes you to the floor you requested, the doors open, you get off, the doors close. Its not magic, and I have never encountered an elevator that didn't follow this basic premise.
However Singaporeans seem to think that unless you push the door close button 100000 times, the door might fail you and you would be stuck for eternity in an open-doored elevator, just waiting. It would be irritating enough if it was a single impatient push. But its repetitive. Incessant. Obsessive. There is probably wide spread repeated stress injuries to the index finger in this country. What is also great about this is that this act is most often perpetrated by the first person in the elevator, not the last. So as Joe Singapore, or should I call him Cho Singapore, (who has no doubt pushed and shoved to be the first in the lift- see next section) hops on, he starts ramming his fat little fingers against the close button while the rest of us (being not fast enough to elbow Cho out of the way- and those of us with manners) are left to try to sneak in the elevator while the doors are slamming shut. It would be irritating if it was occasional. But it is MINDBOGGLING that it is every. single. time. It must be something taught in elementary school here, because it is an epidemic condition. You can be assured that if find yourself riding the elevator in Singapore, you will get to experience this truly annoying phenomenon. Also, should you try to be polite and hold the elevator door for someone who is obviously just steps behind you and also seeking to use the lift, instead of being thanked, you will be given a look of not just pure shock but also scorn for violating the national code of elevator usage. There is probably a fine for that.
2) THE MRT (the Subway): A novel could be written about the daily drama of riding the MRT. Maybe a trilogy of novels. Maybe a boxed set. First you have the illogical manner in which the one-way gates are set up during rush hour so you have to risk life and limb navigating from the entrance through hoards of people exiting from the first 10 gates because they have only made the very last gate in the row, farthest from the entrance, available for entrance. I get that there are business establishments near my home stop- but as the massive condo and apartment buildings imply, there are also homes- and people who would like to have a morning commute that doesn't involve body slams.
But sadly, this is not my biggest complaint. The bigger issue is really the overall entrance and exit skills of the locals. And, lest you think it is MRT specific, this same irrational and sometimes hostile behavior plays out in elevators, escalators, taxis, grocery stores- anywhere that is possible or necessary to enter and exit. There seems to be a Chinese mentality that "first is best." But, before I get attacked, this mentality and conforming behavior is not at all limited to the ethnic Chinese of Singapore. Like all good things in Singapore, it has managed to cross the deep divides of race, gender and ethnicity. People here (or maybe everywhere in Asia?) call it "kaisu" which is a Hokkien Chinese word meaning some mix of rude and greedy. There are entire blogs lamenting the daily exhibitions of kiasu behavior on the perfectly manicured streets of Sing (http://kiasusingaporean.com/). Its a problem in more places than the subway. But how this manifests in the MRT is that despite clearly marked lanes, and frequent broadcast announcements to allow people to alight, people cannot manage to wait their turn to board the damn train. As soon as the doors open you can expect that someone in the impatiently waiting crowd will immediately start shoving and pushing to get on while people are simultaneously pushing and shoving to be the first to exit. It gets better. Once Cho Singapore is on the train, he or she is exceptionally unlikely to move past the area immediately in front of the door (unless there is a seat open (unlikely) in which case he or she will leap over strollers, kick the elderly and usurp a pregnant woman for the right to sit for one stop). No, even if there is plenty of space in the train, Cho will park himself RIGHT in front of the door, no matter that others are still getting on. Just this morning I got on the train behind a middle aged Chinese woman who took one step on the train, stopped, grabbed the handrail and refused to move. I tried the evil eye intimidation tactic to no avail and was forced to use brut force against my fellow passengers to board a train that had room for 50 more people. I used to feel bad about pushing, but I am wayyyyyyyy over that.
The tale of disaster and despair continues. For some unknown reason, people feel the urgent need to prepare for their exit from the train car as soon as the announcement for the next station is made, which is always at least a few solid minutes before the train comes remotely close to the station. This generally results in people pushing and shoving past you while the train is in motion and coming to a stop and resulting in more than a few uncomfortable stumbles and grabs. Now there is no harm in preparing for your exit in a crowded subway car- no harm at all- sometime But its generally unnecessary when approaching a station where 99% of the train will exit. Our commute is only one stop in the morning, so there is no need to sit or make inroads to the middle of the train so we often find ourselves crammed against the door, and our destination, Raffles Place, is the equivalent of Grand Central or Times Square- everyone gets off there. But I cannot tell you how many times I have been standing near the door of the car when someone tries to push past me to get ready to get off the train. Sooooo kiasu.
3) ESCALATORS: You are sensing a transportation theme here. I will be brief about the escalators, I swear. Singaporeans have a slavish dedication to the following escalator behavior concept: Standing to the left, walking to the right. This makes sense. This provides order. This I am sure is something taught in schools. Singaporeans hate stairs, so there are escalators everywhere and it makes sense to have unified behavior norms- for safety and efficiency.......
OK- but what DOESN'T make sense is that no Singaporean in their right mind is going to use the walking side. Kiasu aside, these people are not fans of physical exertion. The amount of times I have seen perfectly able bodied people take the elevator one floor or wait for room on the escalator when the stairs are totally empty is astounding. This lack of desire to walk up the moving stairs results in massive lines for the standing side of the escalator every morning, and a lot of jostling and line cutting. It can be best described as the typical traffic situation when merging to one lane. There is always some a-hole that waits until the lane is totally closed before forcing a merge. Same theory applies to the escalators. Its hilarious though to look up at the escalators on a typical morning and see a wide open right side, just waiting for someone adventurous enough to walk up it, while the masses are duking it out below for a spot on the left.
4) RAIN: Singaporeans hate it. I am convinced that they are all made of sugar and there is a real threat of melting. This abhorrence of rain is a problem on this tropical island where it rains. It rains a lot. Sometimes everyday. The burning hatred of rain, specifically being IN the rain, is so strong that it forces hundreds of rain-intolerant folks to crowd under overhangs, clinging to the last dry spot in a world of wetness. This is fine- until the overhang happens to be the exit from the subway or the only entrance to your office. Then you are back to the pushing and shoving and looks of incredulity that you, you- tall white woman, are silly enough to walk 10 feet in the rain.
It all really comes back to the pushing and shoving. I was pushed and shoved very infrequently in New York and understandably less so in Colorado. I guess sometimes the 6-train was a little crowded at rush hour...and sure, I have pushed a tourist out of the way in Times Square once in a while, but the constant need for physical attack to get through my day can be exhausting. You would think that my relative size to the average Asian would give me an advantage in the hand-to-hand combat that is commuting and existing in this city, but you would be surprised the power that a well placed elderly Chinese elbow packs.
While there are a plethora of other complaints, I feel refreshed after sharing this vent with you and will save some rage for another time.
Toodles.
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