On Marriage, Communication and Things Unsaid

Much to our disappointment, we are not exactly swimming in seas of friends here. The people we have met are awesome- and we have the memories of our friends in the US to keep us warm- but our busy work schedules haven't been terribly conducive to meeting friendly people here. This has resulted in lots of Dave & Erin time. Lots. And by lots I mean, most every day he is the only person I talk to that isn't giving me work to do. Sometimes I call my Mom in Colorado to spice things up.

I like to think that all of this together time is good for our new marriage. In the almost total absence of other people to talk to it fosters an environment to work on our communication skills, which I hear is a good thing.  It will come as no surprise to those reading this that I like to talk. So talk we do. We break it up with time reading our Kindle, but usually that leads to more talking. While I was beginning to wonder if at any moment we might run out of things to talk about, what I have recently realized is that the real fear I should have is things that have gone unsaid over the past years.....

For example, after receiving a very aggressive eye brow threading a few weeks ago, I was intently pondering what was left of my eyebrows in the mirror. Being a light haired individual with next to no eyebrows, the reasons to give my eyebrows an intense investigation have been few and far between in my life. However after I paid good money for my brows to be violently ripped from my face by a very small and menacing Asian woman- I thought I should get up and personal with them to check for permanent damage. As I was reviewing the state of this important facial feature- I realized that my brows are two very different shapes! Despite their presence on my face for 26 years and my use of various methods of shaping over the years- this realization came as quite a shock. Who knew? Well, as it turns out- my husband- and never bothered to bring it up.

I found this to be stunning. I am not one to keep things like this to myself. In fact, I have no doubt that if David's eyebrows were different shapes, I would have told him this many years ago.  I frequently tell him such kind and caring things as "hey, you have a zit", "you need a haircut because you are growing a mullet," "you missed a spot shaving this morning" or many other thoughtful and productive comments on his appearance. Who else is going to let him know that he should be using that ear hair trimmer we bought? I firmly believe that one of the benefits of marriage is having someone to tell you when in fact your hair does look bad or no, you shouldn't wear that outfit. I like to think that my gentle grooming suggestions are simply manifestations of my love for my husband and my concern for his lovely appearance. The fact that he is not reciprocating these loving suggestions is extremely distressing. Some might claim that his demurral in highlighting my physical flaws is caused by fear of demands for eye-brow regenerative therapies, but now I am left to wonder- what else is he not telling me?

Fortunately, since we still have empty dance-cards so-to-speak, we will have many more joyful hours spent at home, on planes, in trains, at lunch, at the pool and everywhere else to talk amongst ourselves and I feel confident that in the next two years (or less?) of exile from our friends and family, we will find a way to discuss many important topics, including whether or not my eyebrows are straight and how he feels about my ever-changing hair color. He is excited, I can tell.